1
00:00:07,171 --> 00:00:09,722
How did I get here?
No, I didn't remarry,
2
00:00:09,842 --> 00:00:12,794
and no, my kitchen appliances
did not give out at once.
3
00:00:12,922 --> 00:00:15,458
I guess it all started
about a week ago
4
00:00:15,658 --> 00:00:17,554
you sure you don't want
to wait for the bathroom?
5
00:00:17,682 --> 00:00:20,866
Yeah. No time. I'm already late
for that school thing.
6
00:00:22,810 --> 00:00:24,114
Okay, how do I look?
7
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:27,506
Okay. Wait a minute.
8
00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:30,273
I think got some lipstick
smushed in the bottom of my bag.
9
00:00:32,986 --> 00:00:34,105
Now?
10
00:00:35,627 --> 00:00:36,746
What else you got in there?
11
00:00:36,922 --> 00:00:39,162
He was right.
I looked like hell.
12
00:00:39,291 --> 00:00:41,065
I knew what I had to do.
13
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,674
Now you might think
pretending to buy makeup
14
00:00:43,762 --> 00:00:46,273
so you can use all
the free testers is dishonest,
15
00:00:46,370 --> 00:00:48,706
but I prefer
the term resourceful."
16
00:00:48,826 --> 00:00:50,122
You know, if you like
that lip gloss,
17
00:00:50,226 --> 00:00:52,002
you're gonna love this new
eye cream we have on sale.
18
00:00:52,114 --> 00:00:56,458
Have you tried it? It smoothes and tightens.
Look, let me stop you right there.
19
00:00:56,545 --> 00:00:59,441
I'm in sales, too, so I know
all the tricks. Don't bother.
20
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:00,946
Okay, well, I just thought
you might like it.
21
00:01:01,042 --> 00:01:02,618
Refreshes the aging areas
around the eyes
22
00:01:02,698 --> 00:01:07,689
and makes you look less tired.
Less tired? Really? Mm.
23
00:01:09,722 --> 00:01:10,730
Wow.
24
00:01:11,514 --> 00:01:12,674
I do look less tired.
25
00:01:13,057 --> 00:01:16,850
Yikes.
20 bucks for this tiny jar?
26
00:01:17,266 --> 00:01:18,754
But if I look less tired,
who knows,
27
00:01:18,834 --> 00:01:21,786
maybe I could save money on coffee.
I'll take it.
28
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:26,338
Oh. Oh, and do you, by chance,
have any free lipstick samples
29
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,970
in... this color?
30
00:01:29,962 --> 00:01:32,010
The next day I was
still feeling pretty good
31
00:01:32,098 --> 00:01:34,659
about treating myself.
My eyes looked bigger,
32
00:01:34,777 --> 00:01:36,722
and the shape
of the toaster helped.
33
00:01:39,146 --> 00:01:40,370
34
00:01:46,418 --> 00:01:49,211
Axl, your backpack is crying.
35
00:01:49,434 --> 00:01:51,699
Ugh! Again?
36
00:01:52,690 --> 00:01:54,362
I gotta take care
of this stupid baby thing
37
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:56,370
for a week for health class.
38
00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:58,481
They said they'd teach us
about sex ed.
39
00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,905
What do babies have to do
with sex?
40
00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,330
They ruin it. Yeah, well, there's
some computer chip that keeps track
41
00:02:03,401 --> 00:02:05,378
of its mood, how much it cries
over the next week,
42
00:02:05,489 --> 00:02:06,370
how well I take care of it.
43
00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:09,322
It's supposed to teach me responsibility.
Okay.
44
00:02:09,418 --> 00:02:12,794
I'm gonna go shoot some hoops with the guys.
Later. Whoo. Whoa. No, you're not allowed
45
00:02:12,891 --> 00:02:16,666
to have a baby and then go shoot hoops.
I tried. Yeah. You're on your own.
46
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:17,922
The next time your dad and I
change a diaper,
47
00:02:18,002 --> 00:02:21,962
it'll be each other's. Oh, my God.
I can't believe you won't support me.
48
00:02:22,066 --> 00:02:23,569
This is, like, 80% of my grade,
49
00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:26,233
and I already failed personal hygiene.
Axl, that's not our...
50
00:02:26,338 --> 00:02:28,634
how do you fail
personal hygiene?
51
00:02:28,737 --> 00:02:31,754
It's all politics. Mm.
Well, sorry. We're not paying the price
52
00:02:31,865 --> 00:02:35,770
'cause you don't know how to work a washcloth.
Oh, nice grandparenting.
53
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,722
You know, this is
what's wrong with society.
54
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:39,777
Your generation is so selfish.
55
00:02:39,883 --> 00:02:43,689
Enjoy this time with the baby,
before it learns to talk.
56
00:02:46,113 --> 00:02:48,267
Mom, axl says
I'm the plastic baby's aunt,
57
00:02:48,395 --> 00:02:50,193
and I have to change it.
Is that true?
58
00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:52,922
Axl, change
your own plastic baby!
59
00:02:53,025 --> 00:02:54,785
Hey, look close at me.
60
00:02:54,866 --> 00:02:57,777
Does anything on my face
look smoother or tighter?
61
00:02:57,875 --> 00:02:59,322
Oh, yeah, definitely.
62
00:02:59,434 --> 00:03:01,314
Where am I looking?
63
00:03:01,507 --> 00:03:03,706
Yeah, well, it looked better
in the toaster.
64
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:04,707
Can I try?
65
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,785
All right, go easy.
It wasn't cheap.
66
00:03:07,882 --> 00:03:10,311
Whoa!
67
00:03:10,521 --> 00:03:12,170
$200?!
68
00:03:12,273 --> 00:03:14,521
Mom, you paid $200 for this?
69
00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:17,562
No, no, no. $20. But you know
what? Don't tell your dad.
70
00:03:17,658 --> 00:03:20,777
Unh-unh. I'm pretty sure
that says "$200."
71
00:03:20,857 --> 00:03:22,569
Look at the two little zeros
there.
72
00:03:22,682 --> 00:03:26,130
Are you serious?
73
00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:29,771
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
74
00:03:29,873 --> 00:03:32,521
Are you okay? Your face
is starting to look
75
00:03:32,627 --> 00:03:35,354
really tight now. No!
I thought it was $20.
76
00:03:35,443 --> 00:03:37,313
I didn't look
at the credit card receipt
77
00:03:37,361 --> 00:03:39,675
because I was
in too much of a rush.
78
00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:43,322
Okay, scoop it back in.
Scoop it back in.
79
00:03:43,409 --> 00:03:44,417
Don't let it absorb.
80
00:03:44,522 --> 00:03:46,745
Oh, no!
Are we gonna lose the house?
81
00:03:48,945 --> 00:03:51,402
You know, a lot of the parenting
books advise against that.
82
00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:54,338
Yeah, I got no choice, dad.
I'm at level seven of my game,
83
00:03:54,427 --> 00:03:55,755
and I can't blow away pimps
84
00:03:55,850 --> 00:03:57,073
and feed a baby
at the same time.
85
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:00,817
Yeah,
that's not going anywhere.
86
00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:02,737
Quick trip to the mall.
No reason.
87
00:04:02,857 --> 00:04:05,858
Don't be buying a bunch of stuff
we can't afford.
88
00:04:08,533 --> 00:04:11,650
Hi. I don't know if you remember
me, but I was here yesterday.
89
00:04:11,706 --> 00:04:13,339
Of course
I remember you. Hi!
90
00:04:13,466 --> 00:04:15,051
How's that new eye cream
working out for you?
91
00:04:15,146 --> 00:04:19,857
Do you love it?
Well, here's the thing... I don't.
92
00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:22,281
I wanted to love it...
I really did...
93
00:04:22,370 --> 00:04:23,299
but I used it three times
94
00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:26,355
and look,
I'm not smooth or tight.
95
00:04:26,482 --> 00:04:29,290
I'm... I'm sorry. We can't take it
back if it's been used.
96
00:04:29,441 --> 00:04:33,609
Oh, no, no. I didn't use it.
The seal's broken.
97
00:04:33,754 --> 00:04:37,642
You sold me used eye cream? Can
you call the manager, please?
98
00:04:37,738 --> 00:04:39,505
No, you know what?
I'm feeling nice today,
99
00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:41,410
so how about
you just refund my money,
100
00:04:41,505 --> 00:04:44,873
and I won't press charges?
I'm willing to bet that's your fingerprint in there?
101
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:48,851
Okay, can I be honest with you?
102
00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:50,665
So far, I'd say no.
103
00:04:50,802 --> 00:04:51,674
Here's the thing...
104
00:04:51,803 --> 00:04:56,258
see, I thought that was $20,
not $200!
105
00:04:56,369 --> 00:04:59,506
I never would have bought it
if I thought it was $200.
106
00:04:59,609 --> 00:05:02,562
I mean, $200 for that tiny jar?
107
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:03,825
That's insane!
108
00:05:03,978 --> 00:05:05,267
Actually,
it's quite reasonable.
109
00:05:05,378 --> 00:05:07,913
This is made from the bladr
of a mule from France.
110
00:05:08,034 --> 00:05:10,811
For $200, I could've
bought that mule.
111
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,586
You're not getting a refund.
112
00:05:12,689 --> 00:05:17,673
Fine. You know, I spend
a lot of money in this store,
113
00:05:17,778 --> 00:05:20,657
but from now on, I will be
taking my business elsewhere.
114
00:05:32,677 --> 00:05:34,677
Axl, give your baby a bottle.
115
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:36,789
, that's not the bottle cry.
116
00:05:36,949 --> 00:05:38,886
Little brick
must've pooped himself.
117
00:05:39,124 --> 00:05:40,845
Stop calling him that.
118
00:05:41,061 --> 00:05:42,813
What?
You're his favorite uncle.
119
00:05:42,941 --> 00:05:44,437
It's an honor to have him
named after you.
120
00:05:44,549 --> 00:05:48,997
I can't take it anymore.
I have a fire drill tomorrow.
121
00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:50,797
If I'm gonna keep my hands
to myself
122
00:05:50,925 --> 00:05:52,837
and line up
in an orderly fashion,
123
00:05:52,932 --> 00:05:54,221
I need my sleep.
124
00:05:59,365 --> 00:06:01,133
Psst.
Hey, you can stay in here.
125
00:06:01,309 --> 00:06:04,100
Really? You sure?
Yeah, it'll be fun.
126
00:06:04,222 --> 00:06:05,589
I've always wanted
to have a roommate.
127
00:06:05,701 --> 00:06:07,877
Here, you can take
this half of the bed,
128
00:06:07,965 --> 00:06:09,469
and why don't you take woofy dog?
129
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:12,421
You know what?
Actually, I need woofy dog.
130
00:06:12,564 --> 00:06:16,765
Hey, thanks.
Axl's baby's driving me crazy.
131
00:06:16,886 --> 00:06:19,270
Even when he smothers it,
you can still hear it.
132
00:06:19,483 --> 00:06:21,349
Hey, would you ladies
keep it down in here?
133
00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:24,934
I finally got little brick to sleep.
I said, stop calling him that!
134
00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:27,645
I have an idea.
135
00:06:27,765 --> 00:06:30,325
Wanna have some fun, roomie?
136
00:06:39,509 --> 00:06:43,013
Ugh! I was up all night.
I'm exhausted.
137
00:06:43,117 --> 00:06:45,206
This baby never stops crying.
138
00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:47,356
Can I just say, this is
my favorite homework assignment
139
00:06:47,476 --> 00:06:48,508
you've ever had?
140
00:06:52,965 --> 00:06:54,717
What? He likes it
when I do this.
141
00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:57,756
God, when do kids
become less annoying?
142
00:06:58,197 --> 00:06:58,924
I'll let you know.
143
00:07:02,685 --> 00:07:04,677
Man, I hate this table.
144
00:07:05,045 --> 00:07:07,389
Just tell him. There's never
gonna be a good time.
145
00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:10,677
Of course, we can't afford a new one.
Damn it! That was a good time.
146
00:07:10,796 --> 00:07:14,685
Hey, you want to hear a funny story?
Oh, is it something about axl and his baby?
147
00:07:14,789 --> 00:07:17,165
'Cause I got one after you.
Uh, not exactly, but I think you're
148
00:07:17,277 --> 00:07:19,589
gonna find this
really, really hilarious.
149
00:07:19,692 --> 00:07:21,397
See, on the way to that school
thing the other night,
150
00:07:21,477 --> 00:07:26,164
in, like, a moment
of extreme, extreme weakness,
151
00:07:26,261 --> 00:07:28,796
I bought this eye cream.
152
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,421
Wow.
Yeah, you are a sucker.
153
00:07:31,524 --> 00:07:32,621
What's that, a dropperful?
154
00:07:32,748 --> 00:07:35,132
I know.
It's insane, right?
155
00:07:35,269 --> 00:07:37,604
Pretty insane.
Well, what'd you pay for it?
156
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:40,677
How much do you think
would be a funny amount?
157
00:07:40,806 --> 00:07:42,309
10 bucks.
158
00:07:42,445 --> 00:07:43,573
Funnier.
159
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,702
$15.
Funnier.
160
00:07:45,813 --> 00:07:47,925
I'm hoping it doesn't get
much funnier than $20.
161
00:07:48,037 --> 00:07:50,572
$200!
162
00:07:51,622 --> 00:07:52,333
What?!
163
00:07:52,589 --> 00:07:55,357
It was a mistake...
a stupid, stupid mistake,
164
00:07:55,461 --> 00:07:59,437
and I have no excuse. Look at
how tiny those zeros are.
165
00:07:59,541 --> 00:08:01,373
And I didn't have my glasses.
But I have no excuse,
166
00:08:01,502 --> 00:08:02,997
no excuse at all.
167
00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:10,661
Mike?
168
00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:13,059
Okay, well,
169
00:08:13,149 --> 00:08:16,405
we needed that $200 for
the property taxes this month.
170
00:08:16,516 --> 00:08:19,165
So... I guess I'll call Bob
171
00:08:19,268 --> 00:08:22,037
and ask if he knows about any
extra shifts at little Betty.
172
00:08:22,189 --> 00:08:24,173
We gotta make up
that mon somehow.
173
00:08:29,261 --> 00:08:32,436
I'm really sorry, Mike. I still
wanna hear your funny axl story.
174
00:08:33,021 --> 00:08:34,621
Okay, you can tell me later.
175
00:08:38,037 --> 00:08:40,333
How great was that last night,
roomie?
176
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,637
We must've woken up
axl's baby ten times.
177
00:08:45,797 --> 00:08:46,797
What?
178
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,261
Why does fun always have
a price?
179
00:09:00,301 --> 00:09:01,837
Relax. This should be easy.
180
00:09:01,989 --> 00:09:04,165
All we have to do is pull out
all the loose pieces
181
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,525
before applying the spackle.
182
00:09:05,693 --> 00:09:08,709
Loose pieces.
183
00:09:14,772 --> 00:09:16,621
They're all loose pieces!
184
00:09:18,764 --> 00:09:20,581
It wasn't fair for Mike
to take on extra work
185
00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:23,029
to make up
for my stupid, stupid mistake.
186
00:09:23,157 --> 00:09:26,389
So I slapped on 30 bucks' worth
of useless mule bladder
187
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,501
and went looking
for a second job, too.
188
00:09:29,940 --> 00:09:31,613
Sorry. We're looking
for someone with a specific...
189
00:09:31,742 --> 00:09:33,789
Style.
Younger.
190
00:09:33,933 --> 00:09:36,221
...Someone with their finger
on the pulse. Younger.
191
00:09:36,348 --> 00:09:39,005
Younger.
192
00:09:40,108 --> 00:09:42,502
Then after knocking
on every door,
193
00:09:42,621 --> 00:09:46,165
i found the one place where
I was still considered hip...
194
00:09:46,365 --> 00:09:48,308
the 1800s.
195
00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:51,349
Welcome
to Orson heritage village.
196
00:09:51,476 --> 00:09:54,821
My name is
Rachel moody Cochran.
197
00:09:54,949 --> 00:09:56,020
In 1816,
198
00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:58,501
I came by wagon train
to this very town,
199
00:09:58,629 --> 00:10:01,556
where I gave birth
to all 19 of my children,
200
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,357
four of whom survived.
201
00:10:03,493 --> 00:10:06,005
I'll be wanting another one
come spring.
202
00:10:10,228 --> 00:10:11,461
Hey.
Hey.
203
00:10:11,565 --> 00:10:14,342
Well, good news.
I got hired as an old wife
204
00:10:14,470 --> 00:10:15,812
down at heritage village...
205
00:10:15,972 --> 00:10:18,389
minimum wage and all
the fresh eggs I can carry.
206
00:10:18,653 --> 00:10:19,638
Okay.
207
00:10:22,652 --> 00:10:24,981
Come on, Mike.
You froze me out last night.
208
00:10:25,093 --> 00:10:26,757
You froze me out this morning.
We're not rich enough
209
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,316
to get a divorce, so we're gonna have to have a fight.
What do you want me to say?
210
00:10:30,445 --> 00:10:32,725
I don't know.
Whatever you want.
211
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:35,445
You say I was stupid,
I'll say you're right.
212
00:10:35,629 --> 00:10:36,510
You say, "who the hell signs
213
00:10:36,629 --> 00:10:38,206
a credit card slip
without looking at it?"
214
00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:40,373
I'll say, "I know.
I thought it was 20 bucks."
215
00:10:40,476 --> 00:10:43,068
"Yeah, that's not the point,
Frankie. $20 is too much to pay
216
00:10:43,302 --> 00:10:46,684
"for 3 ounces of some stupid
eye cream that we don't need."
217
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,822
"You don't think I know that?
They got me at a weak moment.
218
00:10:49,925 --> 00:10:53,334
I was tired." "Yeah, when aren't
you tired?" "Oh, that is low.
219
00:10:53,429 --> 00:10:55,261
I bought it to look good
for you."
220
00:10:55,349 --> 00:10:57,301
"Baloney!
You bought it for yourself."
221
00:10:57,414 --> 00:10:58,990
"I said I was sorry, Mike."
222
00:10:59,111 --> 00:11:00,553
"Yeah, well, 'sorry'
isn't gonna fix it."
223
00:11:00,677 --> 00:11:01,797
"Stop yelling at me!"
224
00:11:04,279 --> 00:11:06,053
I think I've said
all that needs to be said.
225
00:11:11,753 --> 00:11:14,137
And so the deep freeze of
winter continued.
226
00:11:14,721 --> 00:11:16,866
There was no sign of thaw
in sight.
227
00:11:18,082 --> 00:11:19,386
The children born in autumn
228
00:11:19,481 --> 00:11:21,995
were now struggling to survive
the bitter season...
229
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:24,425
Hey. Check it out.
If you hold him
230
00:11:24,530 --> 00:11:26,258
up to the microwave,
the radiation makes him quiet.
231
00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:29,929
Oh. Oh.
Whoa! Whoa! That can't be good. Oh, no.
232
00:11:30,122 --> 00:11:34,235
While skilled carpenters
worked tirelessly
233
00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:36,097
to repair
the battered homestead.
234
00:11:36,353 --> 00:11:38,122
Okay, I cut the hole to fit
235
00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:39,793
this piece of drywall
I found in the garage.
236
00:11:39,915 --> 00:11:41,954
Now, if my measurements
are correct,
237
00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:43,906
it should be perfect.
238
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:51,546
No, I told you guys.
239
00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:53,914
I can't just drop everything
and go to a movie anymore.
240
00:11:54,018 --> 00:11:55,145
I'm taking care of a baby.
241
00:11:55,273 --> 00:11:57,650
Aw, man.
242
00:12:02,978 --> 00:12:04,833
Aah! This thing is
ruining my life!
243
00:12:04,954 --> 00:12:06,242
Why do I have do this?
I get it. I get it.
244
00:12:06,337 --> 00:12:11,179
If a girl invites you into her bed,
there'll be consequences. Don't I know it.
245
00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:18,817
Okay, I've got a screwdriver
so we can reach the piece,
246
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:20,210
honey 'cause it's sticky,
247
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:22,441
and an egg 'cause mom wants me
to eat more protein.
248
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,450
Great!
Give me the screwdriver.
249
00:12:27,762 --> 00:12:29,531
Oh, I think I feel it.
250
00:12:29,633 --> 00:12:30,995
Yeah, I think I...
251
00:12:31,114 --> 00:12:32,929
Oh, no.
252
00:12:33,233 --> 00:12:36,474
Sue! We have to get that back!
Axl was using it!
253
00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:39,377
Can you see it?
254
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:45,243
Uh-oh. Brick, are you kidding me?
You dropped the egg?!
255
00:12:45,337 --> 00:12:46,850
You dropped the screwdriver!
256
00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:49,995
Screwdrivers don't smell!
They're gonna find us out!
257
00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:51,361
It's a telltale egg!
258
00:12:51,499 --> 00:12:55,001
It's weird, Bob. Weird.
259
00:12:55,123 --> 00:12:57,867
He's never been this quiet
for this long without a game on.
260
00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:59,946
You know, I'll be
runnindeliveries in the truck
261
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:03,490
with Mike tonight. I could suss
him out for you. No. No sussing.
262
00:13:03,593 --> 00:13:07,282
I don't want you to make it worse.
Got it. My lips are sealed.
263
00:13:10,074 --> 00:13:12,826
So, Mike, women, huh?
Am I right?
264
00:13:13,123 --> 00:13:14,050
Jeez.
265
00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:15,882
Like mine, for example,
266
00:13:16,018 --> 00:13:18,850
always spending money
on stupid things,
267
00:13:18,962 --> 00:13:21,707
like, ugh, for example...
268
00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:23,465
Lip gloss.
269
00:13:24,265 --> 00:13:25,698
Is that a fact?
270
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,297
Yeah. Makes me mad...
271
00:13:27,393 --> 00:13:28,529
Or hurt...
272
00:13:29,026 --> 00:13:31,633
Or another feeling
I don't like to share.
273
00:13:31,753 --> 00:13:35,690
Bob. But you know us men...
strong and silent types...
274
00:13:35,801 --> 00:13:37,690
sometimes too silent...
275
00:13:37,937 --> 00:13:39,433
And sometimes
not silent enough.
276
00:13:40,074 --> 00:13:41,274
You know, Bob,
I got a problem, too.
277
00:13:41,361 --> 00:13:43,522
I sometimes butt
into people's business
278
00:13:43,691 --> 00:13:45,609
and then I find myself
on the side of the road,
279
00:13:45,722 --> 00:13:47,625
watching the little Betty uck
I was just in,
280
00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:51,809
as it drives away. You're not talking
about yourself, are you, Mike?
281
00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,161
No, Bob, I'm not.
282
00:13:53,298 --> 00:13:55,306
Why you slowing down?
283
00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:58,082
I can smell it.
284
00:13:58,201 --> 00:14:00,066
You can't smell it.
285
00:14:00,154 --> 00:14:01,237
It gs worse every hour.
286
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,754
Why an egg for a snack, brick?
287
00:14:03,849 --> 00:14:05,530
Were there no dead fish
in the fridge?
288
00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:09,249
Look, there's nothing we can do.
Let's just go tell mom and dad.
289
00:14:09,361 --> 00:14:11,489
No! I am not going down
for this!
290
00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:16,210
Yes.
291
00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:18,497
What are you doing?
292
00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:20,689
I am getting
that stinking thing out!
293
00:14:24,306 --> 00:14:25,873
How comes the butter, wife?
294
00:14:26,018 --> 00:14:27,530
I've been churning
for three hours,
295
00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,075
and I still don't have enough
for a baked potato.
296
00:14:31,985 --> 00:14:35,074
Hark! Hear I church bells
from the town square?
297
00:14:35,209 --> 00:14:37,066
Hello?
298
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:39,018
Frankie.
Mike, hi.
299
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:41,314
What is this demon device
you hold to your ear?
300
00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:43,449
Cast it into ye hearth.
Sorry.
301
00:14:43,586 --> 00:14:45,865
I-I just need
a second. It's my husband.
302
00:14:45,978 --> 00:14:48,185
Are you speaking
in tongues, woman?
303
00:14:48,297 --> 00:14:51,745
For I am your husband.
Did you talk about our business with Bob?
304
00:14:51,843 --> 00:14:54,786
What? No. Of course not.
305
00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:57,058
I paid three head of cattle
for you...
306
00:14:57,178 --> 00:14:59,802
a fine price
for a sturdy bride.
307
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:01,777
Then how come Bob's
talking to me about our life?
308
00:15:01,882 --> 00:15:03,489
I don't like talking
about my life with Bob.
309
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:06,522
Well, I-I may have mentioned
that you were upset
310
00:15:06,650 --> 00:15:10,346
about the $200 eye cream.
$200?! Why that is
311
00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:12,801
the size of
the entire state treasury!
312
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,578
Just give it a rest, obadiah!
313
00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:17,937
In the name of God,
just raze a barn, plow a field,
314
00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:20,929
chill out for half a second.
We have one visitor.
315
00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:22,433
She knows we're not
in the 1800s.
316
00:15:22,538 --> 00:15:24,889
You know we're not really
in the 1800s, right?
317
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,569
You're cool with me
taking this call? Thank you.
318
00:15:27,706 --> 00:15:31,482
Mike, I
think the important thing is,
319
00:15:31,570 --> 00:15:35,770
is that we're talking.
Mike? Mike?
320
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:38,793
I have a question.
321
00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:41,089
What kind of eye cream
costs $200?
322
00:15:42,545 --> 00:15:44,322
I thought it was $20!
323
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:49,354
Oh! The egg's gotta be here!
324
00:15:49,706 --> 00:15:51,162
It's gotta be in one of them!
325
00:15:51,890 --> 00:15:53,835
Sue, it's over.
326
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,930
It can't be over.
327
00:15:57,098 --> 00:15:59,314
How did this whole thing
go so wrong?
328
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,474
I just wanted a roommate.
I thought we were
329
00:16:01,578 --> 00:16:04,138
gonna have fun together.
I had fun.
330
00:16:04,281 --> 00:16:07,993
Really? Really.
Just by not sitting on my head,
331
00:16:08,098 --> 00:16:12,546
you're a way better roommate than axl.
Thanks, brick.
332
00:16:15,186 --> 00:16:18,474
The egg!
333
00:16:21,306 --> 00:16:24,505
We did it! We did it!
Now all we have to do is patch up these holes,
334
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:28,682
and then we're home free!
We still need to find the screwdriver.
335
00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:33,010
Oh, there it is.
336
00:16:38,121 --> 00:16:39,201
Mom! Help.
337
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,482
I took my baby apart, and now
it won't fit back together.
338
00:16:41,618 --> 00:16:43,337
Now I'll never get
a good grade on this.
339
00:16:43,434 --> 00:16:46,490
This is "d" work, at best.
Yeah, well, maybe if you used some of that energy
340
00:16:46,578 --> 00:16:48,034
you spent not taking care
of the baby
341
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:49,866
to actually take care
of the baby,
342
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:52,514
you wouldn't be in this mess.
I've tried taking care of him.
343
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:57,129
I just can't find the stupid screwdriver!
Quit whining, go find one, and fix it.
344
00:16:57,257 --> 00:16:59,001
And by the way, it's a girl.
345
00:16:59,138 --> 00:17:02,322
If you'd changed the diaper even
once, you would know that.
346
00:17:22,778 --> 00:17:23,602
What you doing?
347
00:17:24,154 --> 00:17:25,137
What does it look like I'm doin?
348
00:17:25,226 --> 00:17:29,995
I'm rocking a piece of our grandchild.
Hey, listen, uh, sorry I hung up,
349
00:17:30,146 --> 00:17:32,673
but, uh, Bob got back on the
truck... you know, Mike, whatever.
350
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:34,371
I've been trying
to talk to you all week,
351
00:17:34,457 --> 00:17:37,194
and you just froze me out,
and now I'm just too tired.
352
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:39,642
I am selling cars,
I'm dyeing wool,
353
00:17:39,746 --> 00:17:42,266
obadiah wants me to take a job
as a schoolteacher,
354
00:17:42,377 --> 00:17:43,330
because there's a drought,
355
00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:45,778
and the corn
isn't gonna save us this year.
356
00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:48,337
Even in my second job,
I have to get another job!
357
00:17:48,473 --> 00:17:51,673
I have two lives in two
centuries, and they both suck.
358
00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:54,913
Would you rock the head?
359
00:17:55,009 --> 00:17:56,490
What?
360
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:59,403
I'm trying to stop this.
I can't find the sensor.
361
00:17:59,497 --> 00:18:01,866
I'm rocking the torso.
Please just rock the head.
362
00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:07,681
I mean, I thought
that if I got a second job,
363
00:18:07,786 --> 00:18:10,537
you would see how sorry I was
and you would forgive me.
364
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:13,602
But no, I make a mistake,
and it doesn't matter
365
00:18:13,698 --> 00:18:15,329
what I say or what I do,
366
00:18:15,457 --> 00:18:19,778
you want to stay mad, so go ahead and stay mad at me!
I'm not mad you made a mistake.
367
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,243
I'm mad because we can't
afford to make a mistake.
368
00:18:22,337 --> 00:18:25,217
What?
You think I like it
369
00:18:25,289 --> 00:18:27,826
that 200 bucks sends us
over the edge?
370
00:18:27,947 --> 00:18:29,754
Or that at this point
in our lives,
371
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,089
we gotta have four jobs
just to stay poor?
372
00:18:32,234 --> 00:18:37,658
It does suck when you say it like that.
I mean, damn it, we should have some kind of cushion
373
00:18:37,761 --> 00:18:40,130
so we can make a mistake
every once in a while
374
00:18:40,243 --> 00:18:41,801
or at least fix
the kitchen table.
375
00:18:41,929 --> 00:18:44,458
Didn't we have plans for this
place? Instead, here we are,
376
00:18:44,554 --> 00:18:48,081
with the same crappy carpet
and the busted garbage disposal.
377
00:18:48,202 --> 00:18:49,673
The only room
we've redone is Sue's.
378
00:18:49,793 --> 00:18:53,177
Oh, there it goes again.
379
00:18:53,473 --> 00:18:56,177
Oh, keep walking.
My half likes the walking.
380
00:19:00,314 --> 00:19:04,106
I guess I just hoped
we'd be farther along at this point.
381
00:19:04,305 --> 00:19:05,163
That's all.
382
00:19:05,721 --> 00:19:09,739
Hmm. Remember when we used to
do this with axl?
383
00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:11,203
Oh.
384
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:13,553
Back then, we had
to go through the couch
385
00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:15,618
to find 5 bucks for diapers.
386
00:19:15,761 --> 00:19:18,721
Used to take us 5 bucks
to send us over the edge.
387
00:19:18,801 --> 00:19:22,146
But now it takes $200.
That's progress.
388
00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:25,601
How the
hell did we make it through?
389
00:19:25,738 --> 00:19:29,323
I don't know.
A lot of tv and denial. Mm.
390
00:19:29,465 --> 00:19:31,050
We'll make it
through this, too.
391
00:19:31,177 --> 00:19:33,243
Oh, I think
the head's asleep.
392
00:19:33,362 --> 00:19:36,065
Oh, the body, too.
393
00:19:36,202 --> 00:19:39,849
They are so cute when they're sleeping.
Aren't they?
394
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,713
So we were talking
again, and I knew we'd be okay.
395
00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:46,273
Hell, if obadiah and Rachel
made it through all their crap,
396
00:19:46,362 --> 00:19:48,090
Mike and I oughta have
a cakewalk.
397
00:19:48,193 --> 00:19:49,490
Just like the pioneers,
398
00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,665
we have to make the best
of our situation...
399
00:19:51,882 --> 00:19:55,225
Now my baby may not look like
everyone else's,
400
00:19:55,329 --> 00:19:57,170
but isn't that what makes
America great?
401
00:19:57,282 --> 00:20:01,105
That we can love people
of all shapes and sizes?
402
00:20:01,273 --> 00:20:03,801
This is the kind of country
that I wanna live in.
403
00:20:08,986 --> 00:20:10,762
We fill the holes
however we can,
404
00:20:10,881 --> 00:20:13,162
and faced with a job
we just can't stand,
405
00:20:13,290 --> 00:20:15,353
we find a way
to make it work for us.
406
00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:17,457
Ye sure ye still got the pox?
407
00:20:17,569 --> 00:20:19,827
Oh, yeah, big-time.
I don't think I'm gonna be up
408
00:20:19,922 --> 00:20:22,378
and ready to churn for at least
another couple of days.
409
00:20:22,497 --> 00:20:23,626
Hey, could you be a peach
410
00:20:23,737 --> 00:20:25,370
and pump me
another cup of water?
411
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,642
For all the other day-to-day
stuff that drives us nuts,
412
00:20:29,753 --> 00:20:33,594
solutions can turn up
in surprising places.
413
00:20:35,441 --> 00:20:37,498
You just gotta be resourceful.
414
00:20:39,186 --> 00:20:40,226
Oh!
Here's the test. Ready?
415
00:20:40,353 --> 00:20:43,579
Whoo!
Whoo! Good job!
416
00:20:43,629 --> 00:20:48,179
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